Showing posts with label Kerala. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Kerala. Show all posts

Wednesday, January 10, 2018

New Year's Eve and My Friendly Ghosts

I look at all my years as rivers. And I choose them over Oceans, it's almost a mystery. Whenever I'm at this meeting point of two years it matters to me 'where I am'! This is probably because I have been in lots of places, not as a traveler though, those were simply my circumstances. But this time I had planned everything just to be on one of those peaks. High altitude serves right to my senses and that's been my excuse. Even though there is much to add to it like 'ghosts of dead trees, souls of bereaving forests' I digress here.  Here, I want to share that time, I lay in a tent all alone for a while in a fetal position.

Munnar Kerala Hillstation
Fellow Trekkers at Munnar Hill Station 
For a good number of minutes I was aware that my physical body is in a sublime state but sending intermittent signals at the same time, and why? At this place where we all had gathered to spend the night, it had mighty peaks guarding their only home. The chilly wind there like frolicking children made sure that we felt its presence even if we were hiding under a rock. And that is by sending shivers right through the flesh and into our bones. I almost forgot what my toes felt like being attached to my poor legs that night!

I was away from all the noise, I could hear my own heartbeats. It was only minutes ago that I was with rest of the group making my little contribution to the overall loudness around that place. The Moon was almost round and kept sneaking upon us from time to time. You know how the Moon can be on nights like these, very suspicious!

Sight of Moon on Hills
Almost Full moon 
The people I met there, they had traveled quite long distances to be together at that surreal point. These were all such wild spirited companions on a trek! For as long as we played 'Antakshari' they never really ran out of beautiful melodies and convincingly bossed at presenting them as well. And I couldn't have imagined it to be so damn cold out there or rather, the presence of such chilly wind. I think my little brain always deters me from surmising such terrific details. It works for me somehow. And then I could do this irrespective of occasions, I can always stare right back at me as an outsider and wonder 'how did I end up being here, of all the places?' It is a beautiful pain I have labored through all my years.

I got back into my Tent around 10 pm because I'm insufferable when body starts warring against my willpower to fit in anywhere. I don't fit in, it's as simple as that. So I lay there all alone without a single soul around and I was getting this stingy feeling that cold is creeping up right until the tip of my head from my toes. For me, extreme cold becomes a person in situations like these, and i imagine it to have long crooked limbs and breathes ice into the atmosphere, although I'm pretty sure it is faceless.

Night activities, Trekkers
Campfire ~ Tent N Trek
Up at these peaks where Skies seem impending (too many Sci-Fi movies) i began counting time by seconds because we have entered into a new year.  I was then brooding while slowly turning numb by parts without a soul in sight. For distractions, I started searching for all things i could recognize in that blackness, sleeping bags and that was about it! I even imagined about possibilities of some reptiles making its way into our tent, but nothing really happened other than my increased awareness of my life breathing back into me.

Beautiful forest trails, Kerala


Something came over me that night, although I could have easily grown frustrated, I was not! I could feel the whole place in an elevated spirit and that was solely because of the cheery crowd present there. That night I couldn't have been able to drag my lazy ass out of that tent ( I couldn't feel it more precisely) but I devoured the terrific combination of eerie quiet closer to me and the bustle a bit far in the open. I got to thinking if I was reachable to some ghostly souls that night. Maybe someone could crossover to find me in that serene place, all bitten by cold, vulnerable by the darkness, haunted by the very thoughts i shouldn't have at that time - 'So is this what death feels like? Cold, dark, isolated, awake, but a bit far away from other people?' but it was something purely beautiful!! Peaceful.




Tuesday, April 8, 2014

Of Sherlock, Mowgli and a Rain Tree


Kids from Bhopal, M.P

Many years have passed since all the big fun in my life has ended. But one can’t simply let go of such recklessness once harnessed. I was mostly mute outside my classrooms and with strangers. Those who have known me for the evil I really was, are my closest childhood friends. Class topper, every year in primary, so I always had this ‘good girl’ certificate also because I was silent and obedient around elders. I was sick to my throat because of my asthmatic condition that almost took my life but I wasn’t much bothered except for the endless nights, without any sleep, I had spent at the hospitals and at home, my father carrying me on his shoulders. My stupidity had known no boundaries those days.

Amma was quite strict that I don’t stay outside after School much because I was a fragile sick child. Mother had other responsibilities about grandparents hence, it was mostly me and two brothers in the house. It wasn't our own house, Dad’s official Quarters because he was a cop in the city station. Always busy and away with work was his status so basically it was my ruling at home.  Amma had seen to it that I don’t mess with my younger ones; I was a cruel elder sister that’s how I personally recall those days.  I had very little interest in my brothers since I was supposed to be their saviour whenever we were outside playing with other kids.

I can’t tell you about the girlfriends I had; they were mostly boring not my ’type’ really.  I was very fond of guys’ kind of games, like playing Police and Thief and anything that involved some adventure. Apart from the regular boys-gangs I used to play with, there were two other wicked kids (almost of my younger brother’s age) who later turned out into  my beloved crime partners.  These guys were the kind of headache every parent would warn you to stay away from. I managed to befriend them both; I had it in me at such tender years, I must be 4 or 5 when I decided to be friends with them, to feel for trouble makers.

These two guys were extremely aggressive that they mostly had fights in a format that of a mortal combat or something, I don’t know, I think one of them was way out of ‘normal’ those days. Both of them had one thing in common they were big fans of Sherlock Holmes stories, one even had his mother working as a U.P class teacher so he was sort of a nerd too, but he was popular with the name ‘Mowgli’. This guy loved Jungle Book and would sing the theme song aloud all the time but people thought he had so many similarities with the character Mowgli even in appearance. Tell you the truth, I hated everyone who teased him with that name; he did even put up some real fights with many kids, I remember.   He used to beat shit out of other kids, even my brothers had gotten into trouble with them both.

I have no idea why these kids treated me nicely and were ready to listen to me, so I was their guardian or the other way around I don’t know. Everyone was relieved that they listen to at least one of the kids, which was me. For me, they were fearless they would allow me to walk over the tallest of the walls and help me to climb over biggest of the trees. I was not supposed to do all these were a different story; I loved to mess around all the time.

Living close to the jail, we were always anxious to know what was going on, on the other side of the wall and what the convicts would look like in real, so we had spent a lot of time trying to break in to that part of the city station from where we could have a glimpse of the jail and also the huge animals (our imagination) they had been feeding there, later we saw, the two fierce dogs which became these guys’ friends, I only liked them from far!

The best part of my friendship with these two guys was the big Tree by the temple nearby. It was the tallest and biggest tree around, a Rain Tree which must be really very old. It covers a huge part of the upper portion of our buildings; it had its branches bent towards our terrace. We three had learned that we could actually climb over the tree from terrace but it was our secret. They had stolen some heavy ropes from their homes and we made knots to bring down the branches to the terrace floor and then 2 of us would sit over the branch while one controls it from the ground. We took turns to pull down the branch and then to suddenly get rid of the rope so that the others would be released with a force into the air. It was a dangerous game to play because such force could either break the branches or could simply toss us into the air and finally to the ground. We were insane; we never cared about the possibilities of any accidents that could happen.  Every day, we used to get the rope, tie it and take it down while we left. This went on for months and months and one fine day one of their parents came to know about this; apparently somebody reported this to their parents I still don’t know if that was my own brothers because we had publicly declared it as our property when they found out and many were angry and jealous at the same time. Hmmm.

It was a horrible incident, my friend’s Dad rushed to the terrace one evening, just to see two of us over the tree and one standing down at the end of a rope. He was so furious, I never really had a good relationship with that person in general, and again he saw me with those boys.  He started scolding us like anything and as the eldest and being the girl among them he blamed me for everything, he then threatened to go to my parents and complain, before leaving he had beaten hell out of his boy and the other as well in front of me. I was called home and my mother could not believe her daughter’s wickedness. I got more than enough from Amma and when Dad returned he also gave me just fine. My friendship with them had broken, I was asked to stay away from those guys thereafter, not only that our parents got into verbal fights and everything turned out to be an utter disaster.

When we finally grew up, thank god I was sent away to the hostels, one of them later joined me only to run away from that school while the other was shifted to new house. At the moment one is in Thailand who is so fond of me and my brothers are among his best friends and the other he got into Police Service just like his father. His mother often visits Amma and they’re good now.

Oh, I even had taught our ’Mowgli’ Bharathnatyam, when the only thing I knew about dance was Shobhana’s ‘Nagavalli’ dance! :D


Saturday, June 2, 2012

Falling For A Mighty Heart


 When that someone asks you to get lost I would say don’t hesitate; sometimes it is necessary to take it a bit too seriously and then find out a place that will make you feel lot more a stranger than you usually are. I am genuinely blabbering I know, because it’s tough this time; I think I want to talk about being in love. It sounds stupid, but it was just perfect exactly the way I have imagined. That compelling urge to fall wholeheartedly I felt, was fierce. I don’t even know what this ‘love at first sight’ crap is all about, Just as the way I can’t hate a person in first sight it is one of those myths for me. But for us silly humans, we can’t really predict what life has in store for us.

As long as I can remember I had a thing for forests and it goes back to school days. My brain must have had developed a great deal of fantasies about being in luscious Rain Forests back in there. I still recall how my heart used to pound thinking about Amazon which would eventually find a refuge at my nearest possible destination which is Silent Valley. It’s not my Science or geography teacher who did that voodoo on me it’s the lush green, the mighty trees and the exotic fauna there. I‘ve personally felt that all such pure cravings of a Human soul are more sacred than any man made shrines or relationships.

That was not a planned tour; we had a different purpose in Attappady – to visit SARANG. We had to travel from Trichur to Palakkad and from there to Mannarkkad all in public transportation. From Mannarkkad we took a bus to Aanakkatti that’s how we reached Agali. I had no clue that I would be staying any closer to Silent Valley and AHADS - where we had our stay arranged surely has a beautiful campus. But everything seemed frivolous to what I felt in those woods. It was intense, deep and I kept on falling for every candid hue of Green. Every hill there seemed to have a mighty heart for me; rocks stood like the most powerful Guardians had me euphoric. I haven’t seen such huge rocks before, standing tall for meters and meters amidst a Rain forest; these Western Ghats is a symbol of Nature’s strength.

It was just two of us and we had none around to guide us, so… basically it was us and a lot of strangers. We only saw a small part of Silent Valley but  something happened when I saw those mighty trees, they were tall and even their roots are longer because I could see them at every curve we passed. Although we don’t hear, I know these trees can talk; if they think that you love them they talk a bit louder, and the wind carry their conversations afar. I even started to think of my death while climbing the pass (funny but its true); I thought if I die there, I would want my parents to know that I had the most beautiful death I can dream of in this lifetime. But… I think it’s not my time yet. 

Every path we take would lead us to some fresh water streams or river and that’s it, we can't ignore the water, breeze, rocks and also there are huge Wind mills; I have not seen such a thing ever before. In such a climate my physical conditions normally won’t allow me to take things for granted. I have a chronic sinusitis that instantly kills all of my strongest desires to romance with a chill weather, but surprisingly I was perfectly alright. First time ever in my life I experienced ‘greed’, greed to fill my lungs and every pore in my body with fresh air.

Away from noise, pollution and my home I found a home to fall in love, to feel whole alive. It’s impossible for me to make you feel what I have felt there, it’s even harder to explain in words and I am sure these feelings are indigenous to Humans but we are taught to limit ourselves. This Society has already framed everything for us; love is that what you feel for money and those silly pleasures but then what about greater sense of Love, Love this society made you believe does not exist. When man eye for economic development there starts exploitation, that’s what it happened there too. Many of the rivers disappeared and AHADS team had been trying to reinforce the ecosystem and I think they are pretty much successful in doing so. When I got back I had myself in a closed room in tears for no reason, I already started missing everything about that place and this I know - I want to go back and be there for some time because True Love is something Pure, Irresistible and Deep like a Rain Forest!  

(My Bad I didn’t carry a camera, I only had my mobile cam and much thanks to Rahman sir, Amit Trivedi and Avial band for such beautiful songs.Usually when I travel my playlist simply  have all Alternate Rock stuff but this time I had gone all Desi. Amit Trivedi’s  Pareshaan, Rahman sir’s Rockstar especially Tum Ho and 22FK songs from Avial and Rex topped my list )

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